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In the July issue of Elle magazine, longtime lead singer of Poison and VH1 "Rock of Love" star (and recent Tony Awards show victim) Bret Michaels opens up about a lifetime of sexual debauchery, the party girls he won't take home to Grandma, and the merits of "the friendosaurus." Michaels is also currently promoting his brand-new memoir "Bret Michaels: Roses & Thorns," but we have a feeling his thorny Tonys incident didn't quite make the publisher's deadline (and maybe that's for the best). Anyway, let's check out some ridiculous excerpts from the "Fallen Angel" singer's Elle interview, shall we?

On his admiration for secretaries:

"I [remember] digging through my father's drawer, when I found a thicker magazine than usual: the 'Women of the Office' edition of Playboy. You know, that whole hot, sexy miniskirt-but-she's-got-the-glasses-on thing. I assumed this was what every girl who worked in an office looked like and did. I thought, 'No wonder my dad likes going to work.'"

On not wanting to bring a skank home to Grandma:

"There are definitely some girls who come on the show to party, and there are a few I'm not going to take home to Grandma. But I try to never use the words 'skanky' or 'slutty.' I don't call any of them out like that. And the ones who just want to have fun and then go? It's not a horrible thing. We don't have to own each other's souls to have a night of fun. I happen to be thankful for the gifts they give me."

On having a "no regrets" policy about hooking up and/or getting hammered:

"I've never done anything the two of us didn't agree to tango on. Coming from a blue-collar Pennsylvania background and having two daughters and two sisters, it's just not my thing. There may have been a few nights I've gotten more hammered than usual and not followed all the guidelines of this day and age, but never a situation where I regretted something I'd done."

On threesomes with a girl and her "friendosaurus":

"We have lots of nights where people get wasted drunk. Sometimes they'll bring a friend as a designated [driver], occasionally known as the friendosaurus. The term 'friendosaurus' isn't about the girl being unattractive. The friendosaurus knows I'm interested in her friend, and she's the doubting sober driver who's saying, 'This is ridiculous! Let's get out of here.' So I immediately befriend the friendosaurus... and occasionally I've enjoyed both at the same time."