By Wonderwall.com Editors
1:31am PST, Feb 12, 2009
Breaking up is hard to do, especially when you're famous. With Celebrity Personals, we give these single celebs the help they need to get back into the dating game (and just in time for Valentine's Day). Good luck, lovers.
Firestarter Seeks Future Ex-Boyfriend – any age, ethnicity or income bracket – for wildly passionate, semi-sober romp and/or quickie marriage. Enjoys giggling, daisies, indie rock and double dates with Cammy Diaz. Threesome with E.T. doll a must.
Pervy Chatterbox/Self-Proclaimed Metrosexual Posterboy seeks C-list or better arm candy for awards show date or reality TV seat-warmer duty. Likes pomade, smarminess and making fun of Paula Abdul. Cougars, bikini gals and good listeners only.
Former Katie Holmes Lookalike Seeks All-American Guy Who Is That Into Her. Enjoys common names spelled abnormally, being cutesy on cue and newfound almost-hot girl status. Interested in polygamous relationships. No text sex.
Pie Guy Seeks Someone Else Who Looks Like Katie Holmes. Midwestern pretty-boy desires All-American sweetheart for semi-abusive weight maintenance jokes, Ashton Kutcher-bashing and musical theater sing-a-longs. Experience as an AA sponsor is a plus.
Been There Done That Fella Seeks Exotic, Young, Unstable Hottie for nine and a half weeks of indoor wrestling. Likes long legs, pro-fighting, the macabre and most vices. Must enjoy rocking out to GNR. Far-sighted a plus.
Feathery Francophile Seeks Trust Funder/Wannabe Hipster/Foreign Rock Star for mutual mirror gazing, frequent shopping sprees and writing cryptic blog posts to each other. Enjoys faux lesbian kisses, crazy hats and herbal essence of all varieties.
Socialite Ski Bunny with newish face seeks Euro-boy toy for weekends in Miami, shopping in Milan and, if chemistry is right, fifth divorce. Enjoys real estate, baby oil applications and The First Wives Club. Male nurse a plus. Over 35 need not apply.
Single White Male-ish Prince of Darkness who enjoys frowning, opiates and long night-walks on the beach seeks subservient underage plaything for brainwashing, media scrutiny and lipstick-sharing. Must love nightmares and weird basement apparatuses.
