Ed Andrieski / Invision/AP 1 / 5
Ed Andrieski / Invision/AP 1 / 5

Another day, another unforgettably bizarre Charlie Sheen interview.

In an interview that aired Monday, the embattled "Two and a Half Men" star, 45, sat down with the "Today" show to slam CBS show creator Chuck Lorre -- and insist that he's on the straight and narrow.

Asked if he's clean, Sheen retorted, "Um, duh." The last time he did drugs? "Don't remember. Don't care. Drug tests don't lie."

The actor admits that he derailed a bit before the two-day bender in January that led him to the hospital. "I don't know if I'd call it out of control, but the choices I was making weren't leading to the choice I wanted. I woke up and thought, 'you're 45 years old with 5 kids. Let's do something different.' I got bored."

Sheen stopped short of calling his at-home treatment "rehab." "It was a crisis management center we labeled the Sober Valley Lodge," the star quipped.

Speaking of his five kids -- four of them under ten -- Sheen said that he's not ashamed of his behavior. "God no. Talk about an education!"

He urged his fans not to worry about his health. "I've always had a plan and executed it perfectly. Sometimes I overshoot the mark, whatever." Bizarrely, he boasted of having "tiger blood" and "Adonis blood" to help him kick his addictions.

As for his continued rants against CBS and Chuck Lorre -- who put the show on hiatus recently -- he explained: "My passion is misinterpreted as anger ... I don't think people are ready for the message I'm delivering and delivering with a sense of violent love."

That "violent love" came out again as Sheen blasted Chuck Lorre. "Clearly he didn't bring gum for everyone," he said, blasting Lorre's "dictatorial laziness."

"Come Wednesday morning," he added, "they're going to rename [the studio] Charlie Brothers and not Warner Brothers ... At this point, it's 3 million an episode, take it or leave it. Defeat is not an option."

"If people think I'm insane or if they don't think what I'm saying is true, I have no interest in their retarded opinions," he retorted. "I'm going to live my life the way I want and I'm going to win every moment!"

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