BSA / ZOJ / WENN 1 / 4
BSA / ZOJ / WENN 1 / 4

By Kat Giantis

Charlie Sheen announced this week that he's smitten with "two goddesses," but it looks like he may need a recount.

On Wednesday, the "Two and a Half Men" star-cum-pornography connoisseur hopped a private jet to the Bahamas for what TMZ describes as a "private adult vacation." His getaway companions: The aforementioned pair of deities and his almost ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, all of whom recently posed with Charlie for a dysfunctional family portrait.

The so-called goddesses are said to be porn star extraordinaire Bree Olson and nubile blonde Natalie Kenly, who is the same young lady seen making out with Sheen on Monday with a Virginia Slim in hand and her self-esteem in hiding.

Natalie has been called a model (posing with a bong accessory, she claimed the title of Miss Chronic 2010, says TMZ), a graphic designer and a nanny. Oh, and according to Radar, she was busted for underage drinking in 2006, the same year Charlie became the highest-paid sitcom star.

In a recent interview with the Dan Patrick radio show, Sheen gushed about Kenly, saying he was "100 percent" in love, adding, "You ought to see this one."

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The Bahamas trip comes less than a week before Charlie is due back on the set of his CBS show, and just days after Mueller reportedly moved into his party pad with their nearly 2-year-old twins, Bob and Max, and an army of nannies.

Olson and Kenly are also said to be crashing with him.

Word is, Sheen offered to set Brooke up in a neighboring mansion so he could spend more time with their sons, who, we should point out, were left behind when their parents took off for a tropical paradise.

"He's buying her and the kids a house," Mueller's stepfather explains to E! News. "Brooke is temporarily staying with him until the house is ready for her and the boys to move into, which should be any day now. Brooke and Charlie are still friends. She is not living with him, but she is staying there until her house is ready."

Not everyone is so blasé about the living arrangements.

"Nothing good is coming of this," a spy tells Radar. "These two are terrible together."

No doubt. In addition to their shared substance abuse problems, Sheen pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault after an altercation with Mueller on Christmas Day 2009 (he allegedly held a knife to her throat).

RELATED: Martin Sheen: Charlie's addiction is a form of cancer

A source tells E! that Brooke is bunking at the opposite end of the estate from her ex, whose in-home treatment plan may need some tweaking.

"Charlie is back to his old self -- and that's not a good thing," a mole sighs to Radar. "So much for rehab at home. ... At this point, that's a joke."

Speaking of comical situations, Access Hollywood reports Sheen has shelled out close to $800,000 on a quartet luxury vehicles over the last few weeks.

But don't worry: These cars probably won't end up at the bottom of a cliff, because they're not actually for him.

Charlie's purchases reportedly include a $320,000 Bentley for "an adult film star friend"; a $150,000 Porsche Turbo (also for a porno pal); a $160,000 Mercedes-Benz believed to be for Kenly; and another $160,000 Mercedes for Mueller.

Here's hoping that Sheen has socked as much cash away for Bob and Max's future therapy bills as he has to improve the lives of X-rated film thespians and his squeezes du jour.

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