Dean McDermont has begun his "True Tori" swan song.
The actor revealed on Wednesday that he will not be returning to the Lifetime reality-TV show that stars him and his wife, Tori Spelling, claiming that it's simply too difficult to bare his soul so openly.
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"We have five more shows left. I can't do this anymore," the "Chopped Canada" host, 47, told "Access Hollywood." "I can't keep opening a vein, opening my soul and sharing my feelings and thoughts and demons with the world. I don't watch it. I can't. It's really difficult. I can't do it anymore, for my soul."
For those who watch the show, Dean speaks openly about his depression, his substance abuse and his infidelity in Dec. 2013.
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"The fact that I cheated on my wife, I wish never happened," he said. "I wish my alcohol and drug use hadn't gotten out of control. I still love her to death and that's why we're still together."
His depression, however, once took him to a bad place.
"I almost lost everything, everything that means anything to me," he said. "I don't want to ever do that again. I don't ever want to be in that dark place again where I wanted to take my life."
He continued, "I was driving around in my truck with a loaded 9mm. I was put on a 5150 at the UCLA psych ward," he continued. "[My son] Liam had a performance and I didn't want to miss that performance ... I had plans that night to do it."
He's better now, he insists, and he's hard at work staying sober. He's even harder at work on saving his marriage.
"I love this woman, regardless of what I've done," he said. "I love her and want to be with her. I want to grow old with her and at this moment she feels the exact same way."