By all accounts, Drew Barrymore is now an ecstatically happy married mother pregnant with her second child -- but the actress, designer and former child star, 38, remains estranged from her mother Jaid Barrymore.
"Ugh, I mean, my relationship with my mom is so complicated," the designer tells the February issue of Marie Claire. Back in the late '80s, the precocious "E.T." actress famously entered rehab at age 14 and, at 15, successfully petitioned for juvenile emancipation from her parents, moving into her own apartment; her relationship with Jaid, now 67, has been rocky ever since. (Part of the storied Barrymore acting dynasty, Drew's father, John Drew Barrymore, died at age 72 back in 2004.)
"I've always been empathetic toward my mom, and I was even more so when I had a kid and we had a really amazing conversation about it," the "Big Miracle" actress reveals. "However, [becoming a mom] hasn't enabled me to lessen the distance. It's the hardest subject in my life. I've never just been angry with her. I've always felt guilt and empathy and utter sensitivity. But we can’t really be in each other's lives at this point."
Barrymore delves further into her troubled upbringing: "When I was a kid, everything was so unplanned, my parents were so erratic, and my world was so inconsistent," says the producer, who wed art consultant Will Kopelman in June 2012 and is mom to Olive, 15 months. "I was 14 when I moved into my own apartment. I was so scared. I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know you had to throw food out when it rotted in the fridge. I was convinced someone was going to crawl through my window. I would go to the Laundromat and sit there reading Anne Sexton, Sylvia Plath."
That lonely, scary past made Barrymore treasure her friendships as a young woman. "I hated growing up alone. I hated it," says the star, whose close friends include Cameron Diaz, among others. "I don't f--- anyone over. My friends are the loves my life."
She also has her in-laws. "This is so safe and positive and healthy because they have their values intact," the twice-divorced star gushes of the NYC-based Kopelman clan.
Hubby Will Kopelman, meanwhile, also opens up in the mag about falling in love with the star. "Sometimes whom you least expect is the person you fall for," he says. "It was a combination of moments: watching her with my nephew. Traveling with her. Going to museums with her. I knew, adding them up, this was it."
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