Alexandra Wyman / WireImage 1 / 6
Alexandra Wyman / WireImage 1 / 6

Won't someone think of the children?

Seems Charlie Sheen is trying to gain full custody of 2-year-old twins Bob and Max now that ex-wife Brooke Mueller has reportedly checked back into rehab. The move comes on the heels of Mueller's apparent weeklong spiral, which included refusing a required drug test and attempting to pawn a watch and a stereo.

TMZ and Radar Online report that the on-tour actor, who worked out a complicated custody agreement with Mueller earlier this month (drug tests and nannies are mandatory), is gearing up for battle, and his legal team plans to head to court on Tuesday to try to take away legal and physical custody from Brooke.

The twins, who are the only ones deserving of sympathy in this entire violent torpedo of tiger blood-soaked mess, are said to be in the care of Mueller's mother and other relatives.

"The kids are with [Brooke's] less-than-stable mom, so guess where I'm going tonight after the show?" Sheen told the crowd during his performance Sunday night at Foxwoods Resort and Casino in Connecticut (via OK!). "I'm going to L.A. to get my [bleeping] kids back."

Alternately calling his ex-wife a "troll," a "crack addict" and a "loser," Charlie raged over having his sons taken away from his so-called Sober Valley Lodge estate, where his porn star goddesses can double as live-in babysitters.

"This troll [Brooke] sends child services to my house to steal my children in the middle of the night," he railed. "I told my kids, 'Don't say goodbye, say see ya later.' I'm the best [bleeping] father they can ever hope for."

Sheen claims he warned Mueller "not to pick a fight with a [bleeping] warlock -- you're gonna lose," adding, "Hope you saved some of your dough."

Sheen reportedly gives Mueller $55,000 a month in child support, and TMZ says his attorneys will ask that the payments cease if he gets custody.

"Charlie has had enough with her excuses, period. Brooke refused to take a random drug test," a source fumes to Radar. "Charlie's attorney will use that as evidence that the boys are better off with him than with Brooke."

But a Mueller insider counters that Sheen has been a sporadic presence in the boys' lives and with his goddess-inclusive lifestyle and tour schedule, the tots should remain with Brooke's family.

"The last place the twins should be is in a different hotel rooms every night. Toddlers need love, continuity, and stability," says a spy. "They have that with Brooke's extended family in Los Angeles."

Another snitch assures E! News that Mueller is "fine" and "continuing with the rehab program she has always done."

But she "will not take a drug test until Charlie takes a drug test," relays the insider. "Brooke will not go along with the agreement she and Charlie have in regards to testing until he stops talking about her in public. He's been violating their agreement from day one and she's had enough."

TMZ reports Mueller's lawyers will ask for full custody and request that Sheen undergo a psychological evaluation.

So, in short, we want to wish Bob and Max lots of luck. Those little fellas are gonna need it.

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