The path of true love isn't always smooth. Sometimes, it's paved with broken engagements, trash talk, an impenetrable age barrier and bulk prescriptions of Viagra.
"Yes @hughhefner and I are back together," she tweeted. "Yes I am his #1 girl again. Yes we are happy. Hope that clears up any confusion! Xo."
The polyamorous Playboy mogul and robe enthusiast says the reconciliation, which comes just a year shy of their canceled wedding, wasn't entirely unexpected.
"Getting back together with Crystal Harris shouldn't be a big surprise, since I have a history of remaining close to former girlfriends," he tweeted, adding, "Shera & my other Mansion girlfriends welcomed Crystal here at dinner on Tuesday night, before playing games together."
(And he might mean actual board games: Hef just tweeted about a playing backgammon.)
And despite reports that his previous No. 1 girl, Shera "Miss November 2010" Bechard, had fled the Mansion when Harris returned, she apparently just left to visit her family.
So, who's responsible for the rekindled flames? Turns out Hef's longtime secretary steered them back together.
"It's Mary O'Conner that brought Crystal Harris back," he explained of his octogenarian assistant. "Crystal was miserable & said so. Mary told Crystal to write & tell me, which she did."
Crystal's reunion with Hef (and the spotlight) means she gets to spend more time with Charlie, the dog they once shared. After the breakup, Hefner reportedly let her keep the $90,000 engagement ring (auctioned off for half price) and a Bentley in exchange for custody of the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
"Home is where the heart is," tweeted Harris, who cited Hefner's "multiple girl" lifestyle as the reason she backed out of their set-to-air-on-Lifetime nuptials five days before walking down the aisle. "Happy to be back home at the Playboy Mansion with @hughhefner and our puppy Charlie. I missed all the love and laughs."
If not the nookie.
"[It lasted] like, two seconds," she sniped to Howard Stern of Hef's ostensibly disappointing virility. "Then I was just over it. I was like, 'Ahh.' I was over it. I just, like, walked away. I'm not turned on by Hef. Sorry."
RELATED ON WONDERWALL:
- Feb. 12, 2017 The cutest kiddos of the 2017 Grammy Awards