Dan Steinberg / Invision/AP 1 / 6
Dan Steinberg / Invision/AP 1 / 6

Lauren Conrad isn't expected to be in attendance when Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag make a mockery of marriage with their MTV-filmed nuptials on Saturday, but she's still going to get a comedy fix. The Kohl's-partnering starlet will play a genius version of herself on the May 3 episode of "Family Guy," and she says she had to learn "a lot of facts and a lot of big words" for the animated one-off. "I had to say it as if it was coming to me very easily," explains Lauren (via E! News), whose cartoon alter ego enjoys some inter-species passion with erudite pooch Brian (insert your own doggie-style innuendo here, 'cause we ain't touching it). "I had to research some of [the words] because the acting coach I worked with told me if I really understood what I was talking about, it would come through a little more true."

In related "Hills" news, Speidi's wedding guests probably shouldn't expect an overflowing gift bag. Spencer says the tough economic climate has cut into their promotional appearance-boosted livelihood. "We definitely don't receive $100,000 to show up at nightclubs anymore," he tells LAist. "So, that's one huge life-changing difference. It makes me miss the old days, back when Paris Hilton and these fools were cashing in like a gold rush every year."

And finally, Jennifer Love Hewitt is doing her darndest to convey just how blissfully happy she is to be dating her "Ghost Whisperer" co-star, Jamie Kennedy. "We've been friends for a long time," the actress told Ellen DeGeneres on Wednesday (via Us Weekly). "I've heard about it -- about being friends with somebody and it turns into something else -- and I've never really done that before and it's been great." Swoons J.Love, "I knew he was funny; I knew he was special; I knew he was a really nice guy and decent person. I just never really looked at him until a little while ago." Hewitt, who split from fiancé Ross McCall at the beginning of the year, admits that "breakups are awful," but she's taken a zen approach to the pain. "They really suck on lots of levels," she says, "but what I think is great about life is that the universe always brings you something really beautiful and great afterward -- and that's kind of where I am now."

Next: Stars vs. the rumor mill