By Saryn Chorney
Look, I've never been a huge fan of Jennifer Lopez's music. In fact, I've never been a huge fan of her acting, either. But in terms of being a mega-successful celebrity, she's right up there on my A-List. As far as I'm concerned, the woman opened the door wide open for Latinas in Hollywood -- and opened the door even wider for gals with "I'm Real"-style hips and butts (Kim Kardashian, *cough cough*). She's also a pretty fly dancer, if you ask me and any "In Living Color" fans. From the Diddy club shooting scandal to the disaster that was "Gigli," Jenny from the Block has always managed to sound positive when speaking to the press. So, when I read this recent interview with Extra, I became alarmed.
Lopez is supposedly promoting her new film "The Back-Up Plan," about a woman who gets artificially inseminated coincidentally on the same day she meets Mr. Right -- and yes, this sounds more like a Jennifer Aniston star vehicle to me, too, but I digress. The role is Lopez's first since giving birth to her twins Emme and Max last year, and the star sounds downright fragile and exhausted. What happened to the devil-may-care gal who once sassed Ja Rule and even gave Jane Fonda a run for her "tough broad" money (purely talking box office, people) in "Monster-in-Law"? This new Jenny is totally depressing me.
On losing the baby weight:
"You have those last 10 or 20, 15 or 20 that just don't want to go and you have to work really hard, and I had to work really hard too. I had to diet and work out. I had to do a lot."
As you may recall, the new mom gained over 60 lbs., and in order to help lose the excess weight, ran a triathalon just a few months after giving birth. Still, fashion critics and some evil bloggers made fun of a little extra "back fat" showing in a photo taken at the Academy Awards. Jeez, give her a friggin' break! She had twins -- that's TWO children at once that she bore -- no adoption, no surrogate, no nothin' but too-busy-buying-the-Dolphins husband Marc Anthony (OK, and probably a few nannies) to help out.
On going back to work:
"Staying home with the kids and watching everything they do ... it's fun, [but] I can never sit totally still. [Filming] was actually perfect. I enjoyed the time with the babies."
I don't think it's too difficult to read between the lines here, folks. This woman didn't become a triple-threat mogul by sitting at home watching soap operas all day. She likes working more than she likes changing diapers. I know that I'm not one to criticize, how about you?
On bringing the kids with her to work:
"They've been with me almost every day on the set. I don't think [they realize what I do]. Once in awhile, they look at the monitor and go, 'Mama.'"
Uh, we're not so sure this is a good sign. Do they get to see their mama any other way? We also wonder if they've ever looked at Splinter from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and said, "Dada."
On wearing a fake pregnancy belly for the "The Back-Up Plan":
"A bunch of us who have babies, were like, 'It would be great when you are pregnant. You could take it off five times during the pregnancy, only for a half hour. Then you have to put it back on. That would be awesome.' It would be perfect. But you can't."
Nope, you can't. C'mon, Jenny. If a mama kangaroo can do it for another 9 months after giving birth, you can do it too. It's not like you had to run that triathalon with Max and Emma hanging from a BabyBjorn.
On the biggest lesson she's learned since becoming a mother:
"You just mature so quickly in such a deep way and you think life is short and you have to just go for things. You can't be afraid to try or do your best. Just do it ... that's the example I want to set for my children, as well. It's like you can do anything. The only thing that ever holds us back is fear. It's a useless emotion."
This sounds familiar. Hey, did J.Lo rip this speech straight out of the movie "Enough"? Thought so.
On her kids growing up so fast:
"They're more than walking now. They're starting to talk. I put Max to bed yesterday and I said, 'I love you, baby. I'll see you tomorrow.' And he was like, 'I love you.'
Wait a second. What about Emme? Did she get to stay up late watching "Enough" with Mommy? Not fair.
On having more kids with Marc Anthony:
"I would love to have more kids. I don't know if we will. I don't know if that's in the cards for us, but we'll see."
I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say it: Not gonna happen.