Ouzounova / Splash News 1 / 10
Ouzounova / Splash News 1 / 10

By Melissa Hunter

Heidi Montag debuted her ten new plastic surgeries (in true Heidi Montag fashion) on the cover of People magazine last week. The story was somewhere between completely shocking and utterly predictable, and just seemed mostly like another giant press ploy, but after seeing this video, I'm not so sure.

RELATED: Montag on surgery: 'I feel perfect'

Let me tell ya, the pictures of Heidi 2.0 aren't nearly as creepy as streaming video of her. Think about it. A Barbie doll isn't creepy, but she'd be creepy as all hell if she suddenly started walking and talking and acting like a real-live person. Billy Bush interviewed post-surgery Heidi for Access Hollywood and it's pretty disturbing. I felt like we were witnessing an interview with the Cat Lady.

When Bush questioned her faith in relation to her plastic surgery, she said, "God created me. And God created Dr. Frank Ryan." Weird, I guess that page from the book of Genesis got ripped out of the Bible somehow.

RELATED: See even more photos of the plastic Montag

She admits, "I feel pretty plastic. It's still hard for me to chew sometimes and I have to speak very quietly because my jaw and everything -- I'm still readjusting to talking."

The creepy part is the calm way in which she tells this to Bush. Obviously the Botox and pain killers are at play here, but she seems genuinely proud of her story. Like she's a war hero or something.

I used to give Speidi the benefit of the doubt and think that maybe, just maybe, these two were in on the joke. When we joked about their shameless red-carpet PDA sessions, Playboy photo shoots, Swine Flu-masked make-outs, and so forth, they were laughing all the way to the bank.

RELATED: See Heidi and the other most disappointing Playboy cover models

But there's got to be some serious issues going on in order to play Mr. Potato Head with your body the way this girl does. I mean, she made Billy Bush look like a completely rational, grounded person. Billy. Bush.

Much like Heidi's nerve endings, I'm confused. I don't know whether to be completely appalled or totally sorry for the girl. I guess for now, good old-fashioned disgust works just fine.