By Rebecca Silverstein
Lindsay Lohan's gone from "The Parent Trap" to the pokey, and apparently, she's gained some random famous friends along the way. Ever since her jail sentence was handed down, In Touch Weekly reports that supposed pals have been coming out of the woodwork to support the fallen star... including Willie Nelson. Wha?
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That's right, good ol' Willie has abandoned Jessica Simpson in favor of a starlet who needs a lot more than fashion advice. According to In Touch, the country crooner has called Lohan every day. "Willie's really taken her under his wing," says the source. Hmmm. Maybe the reefer-friendly senior citizen isn't the best mentor for a gal with substance abuse issues (though he is a kind bud!) Moving along...
Kim Kardashian has allegedly reached out to LiLo, as well. And we kind of get it -- they may be frenemies, but they're in the same social circle and nothing rekindles a friendship like jail time. It even makes sense that "Prison Break" actor Lane Garrison, who spent nearly 18 months behind bars after pleading guilty to vehicular manslaughter and DUI in 2007, is giving her some advice. Apparently, he spent three straight hours teaching Lindsay "how to survive jail." But Ashley Greene? Sean Penn? What words of wisdom could this motley crew possibly have imparted?
Maybe they're a bit more qualified to advise the jailbird than we initially thought: Kim's sister Khloe had a run-in with the law, and Ashley might've used her "Twilight" character Alice Cullen's past in an asylum for inspiration. And Sean Penn? Well, he's the ultimate bad boy, so he probably has a soft spot in his heart for the ultimate party girl.
I imagine Lane Garrison's guidance would be pretty straightforward: Don't drop the soap. Makes total sense, right? Meanwhile, I could just picture Kim and Lindsay gabbing away about how to look your best in bright orange.
Now we're no prison experts, but here's some advice for you Linz, from your pals at Wonderwall:
1. Don't start fights with cell neighbor Alexis Neiers. Sure, she may have been involved in robbing your house, but the guards won't give a rat's a$$.
2. Keep a low profile. It'll be good practice for avoiding the paparazzi when you're on the outside.
3. Who needs Twitter when you've got impeccable penmanship? Start writing your memoir, or at least something that's more than 140 characters.
4. If you decide to dig your way out a la "Shawshank Redemption," put a poster of Justin Bieber over the hole. No one can resist the Biebs -- not even angry lesbian gangs.
Tweet us when you're out, Lindsay! We'll miss you!
- Feb. 15, 2017 See who turned up at the 1987 Academy Awards!