In the newest issue of Us Weekly, Lindsay Lohan opens up about her heartbreaking split from Samantha Ronson, the "humiliating" weekend showdown with Ronson's family, and says that friends' fears she is suicidal are unfounded.
"It's absolute hell," Lohan told Us on Monday in a far-ranging interview over several lengthy phone calls and emails in which she was agitated, crying and baffled by the turn of events.
Ronson broke it off with her girlfriend of nearly two years last Friday, and hired five security guards to keep Lohan out of an afterparty for her sister Charlotte at the Chateau Marmont.
"The worst night of my life," Lohan, who was staying one floor above the Ronsons with her mom Dina and sister Ali, tells Us.
The next day, Ronson changed the locks on the Hollywood Hills home she shared with Lohan. On Monday, Ronson's mom and sister asked police about obtaining a restraining order against Lohan, a Beverly Hills police sergeant confirms to Us.
"I'm not a bad person and this is what happens," Lohan told Us through tears. "I was raised to treat people well, and I'm so tired of this drama."
Lohan says she's "so alone" without Ronson.
"Everyone's turned on me," says the actress. She tells the magazine that the night of the Chateau showdown, Nicole Richie walked by her and said "Uck," and Drea DeMatteo said, "Come at me, b----."
"I'm a f---ing 22-year-old girl who's in love," she says. "I felt like I was in 'Mean Girls,' but worse: 'Mean Girls' was a movie."
Sources tell the magazine that Ronson had repeatedly tried to break up with Lohan over the past month, but each time, "Lindsay threatens to kill herself -- she cares about her but wants out."
Lohan laughs upon hearing that, saying she's OK.
"I'm just really hurt!" she says. "The whole situation is sick."
For more on Lohan -- including what she has to say about her rumored affair with Chace Crawford, why friends think she should be institutionalized, and just how broke she really is -- pick up the new issue of Us Weekly, on stands Wednesday.
Full Wonderwall coverage of Lindsay