Just hours after announcing that her romance with Doug Reinhardt was kaput, Paris Hilton worked through the breakup by baring her soul to someone new. Wait, did we say soul? We meant butt. Baring her butt to someone new.
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The man in question is Portuguese soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo, 24, who was snapped cozying up to the short-attention-span starlet, 28, at Los Angeles hot spot My House on Wednesday night.
A not-at-all-biased Hilton insider tells TMZ.com that Ronaldo, who just inked a record-setting $131 million deal with Real Madrid, couldn't keep his eyes off her and soon "got up the nerve" to sidle over to where she was sitting.
As the two enjoyed a tête-à-tête on a banquette, Hilton was either oblivious or unconcerned that her black minidress had inched up so far that a single tuchis cheek was getting some serious fresh air.
"They were sucking each other's faces off like their plane was going down," a mole colorfully tells the London Sun. "They looked adorable together. It was as though they'd been dating for ages."
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Around 2 a.m., Hilton unpeeled herself from Ronaldo (and her exposed backside from the banquette) and made her exit with sister Nicky. Soon after, the newly flush athlete reportedly plunked down $20,000 to cover the night's bar tab and headed off for a rendezvous with Paris at Nicky's Hollywood Hills home.
Paparazzi caught him leaving around 5 a.m., a smile on his face.
This was quite a change from their meeting a year ago, when Ronaldo rebuffed Hilton's advances at an L.A. club by turning his back on her.
"She was determined to get her man this time," the mole tells the Sun. "She loves men with accents. She says it's like an aphrodisiac."
But Hilton's excited state also brought out some cattiness.
"Paris is stoked to be with a real athlete -- unlike her ex, a low-paid minor league baseball player," a snitch potshots to TMZ.
But are things really over with Reinhardt, her tongue-wrestling partner of six months and her would-be future husband and father of her children?
"Contrary to reports, Paris is begging him to take her back," a source tells TMZ. "She made a mistake and loves him 100 percent."
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Hilton supposedly texted Reinhardt repeatedly Thursday night before turning up at his house at 4 a.m. Friday morning, pounding on the door until he let her in.
Nuh-uh, insists Paris, who tells Perez Hilton, "Obviously, someone is trying to spin something. I was in bed, by myself, last night by 2:30 AM. I had to wake up early today [Friday] to work and I'm going to be on Conan O'Brien's show this evening. I think it's really immature that people will make up stories like this."
Oh, and a snitch adds that it was Doug who was doing the texting, but she didn't answer.
So, what went wrong in the first place? According to E! News, their coupling went kerplooey Tuesday night when Paris caught the second-string "Hills" co-star "talking to a Barbie-type girl" while out with some buddies at L.A. bar Darkroom.
One bystander alleges that she turned into "a raving lunatic" and tossed a "handful of limes" at the blonde chatting Doug up, who turned out to be his "Deal or No Deal" model-ex, Kendhal Beal.
"Everyone was there having a great time, sitting at the bar, and I happen to be talking to Doug," she tells In Touch. "Out of nowhere, Paris comes and starts throwing lemons and limes at me. It was kind of crazy!"
Winging citrusy fruit at her rivals seems to fly in the face of what Paris told Jimmy Kimmel on Tuesday, when she insisted she's a "very nonconfrontational " person, although it seems she may have avoided notifying Reinhardt that his saliva-swapping services were no longer required.
Soon after her camp released word of the split, he insisted to E!, "No, that's not true. Everything is OK between us."
Maybe he was just in deep denial over losing his so-called "angel princess," or, as the Chicago Sun-Times claims he dubbed her last week, his "meal ticket for life."
Here's wishing them good luck on the rumored reconciliation -- they're gonna need it.