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By Dana Flax

Many mutterings of "yikes" were emitted around the world today after the Daily Mirror published an interview with "My Best Friend's Wedding" actor Rupert Everett. The go-to gay best friend, no stranger to controversy and talking behind other peoples' backs, spoke out about Michael Jackson, saying some pretty bananas things, if you ask us.

"I think it was fortuitous that he died," Everett said, sensitively adding, "He looked like a character from Shrek. He was a black to white minstrel."

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(If you somehow forgot, Everett lent his voice as Prince Charming in the latter two "Shrek" films. Hmm, smells fishy.)

"He personified the pain and anxiety of a black man in a slave country," Everett continued. "We all watched as he changed from black to white. He was living performance art." Eesh.

All in all, we can sort of understand where Everett was going with this lamentable affliction of verbal diarrhea (Michael was tortured, which manifested itself in his face, yada yada yada), but how come every time he speaks it seems as though venom is dripping from his salivary glands? It's like Everett has some sort of aversion to discretion.

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In fact, the reporter began the article by noting that Everett "leans in and says in a slightly too-loud stage whisper: 'I would have leapt at the chance of sleeping with Michael Jackson when I was 14.'"

Well, Rupert, for your sake and the sake of Michael Jackson's family, we hope you go back into the hole of relative obscurity from which you came. And if you ever come back out, pick on someone your own size (or at least someone still alive).

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