One week after Shanna Moakler resigned from her post as the Miss California pageant director, she opens up to Usmagazine.com exclusively about why she stepped down and what she really thinks of Carrie Prejean.
When Prejean was told that she could keep her Miss California crown at a May 12 press conference, Moakler realized she no longer believed in the pageant.
"She was up there talking, and I just realized ... she was -- in Carrie fashion -- not taking responsibility, pointing fingers at everyone else, and then Mr. [Donald] Trump went up and spoke and I really thought that he was going to say, 'From here on out, Carrie has to comply with her contract,' or something along those lines," Moakler tells Us. "It was just more like another big puff piece on Carrrie Prejean and why she is not responsible for breaching her contract."
She adds: "I just had a really, really hard time swallowing everything that just took place, and it just made me really sad, and it just basically made our state contracts have no validity. What does it matter if these girls sign these contracts if they dont have to live up to them, and if they dont live up to them, they just get rewarded."
Even before the controversy, Moakler admits that Prejean "was very difficult" to work with.
"Carrie is very, very nice when she wants something," she tells Us. "And when it's her turn to do her end of the deal, it's very complicated. She's late, she doesn't show up. It's always a problem. I can deal with difficult, but I can't deal with nasty and she was getting nasty."
Moaker says Prejean, 21, even sent her hurtful emails after the press conference, saying that Moakler "should be thanking [Prejean] for extending my fifteen minutes." She also said the religious model also sent several biblical quotes "that I felt were inappropriate."
Although Moakler apologized for confirming to the media that the pageant paid for Prejean to have breast implants, she says "we don't have a vendetta" against her.
"I personally paid for photo shoots for Carrie Prejean, that are $3,000 photo shoots," Moakler tells Us. "I spent a thousand dollars in makeup for her, I got out and scouted and found [all our] sponsors ... I felt like, 'Why do I have to continue to support this girl when she has absolutely no respect for me?"
Still, Moakler -- who posed for Playboy when she was 25 years old -- doesn't consider herself "the moral police of America," even after publicly criticizing Prejean's conservative stance against gay marriage and requesting she lose her crown after semi-nude photos of her were leaked online.
"For the people who are like, 'How can you say this? You have this persona, and your personal relationship is a mess, and you posed for Playboy,'" Moakler says, "I'm not a title holder. I'm not in a contract. I posed for Playboy years after I was a title holder."
Does Moakler, who says Prejean never "respected our authority as state directors," regret resigning?
"No, I'm proud of myself because I believe I made the right choice for me, and I stood up for what I believe in and what I think is right. I'm proud, but I'm devastated. This isn't what pageants are about, it wasn't how it's supposed to go."
For now, she is ready to move on.
"This was so consuming mentally, physically, spiritually -- it was exhausting," Moaker tells Us. "So I'm really excited to get back to my life. I just want to enjoy it."