Juan Garces / Splash News 1 / 8
Juan Garces / Splash News 1 / 8

By Melissa Hunter

In the least surprising news item of the week, Tara Reid has signed on to be the next celebrity cover girl for Playboy. Reid, who had a botched liposuction back in 2004 (among what seems to be a multitude of other *ahem* procedures), posed completely nude for the shoot, according to In Touch. No strategically placed hair extensions for this girl! She's going all the way.

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A good old In Touch insider who apparently was lurking around the shoot says, "She was a bit insecure about her body when they first started... She looked great and finally got into the groove."

What exactly is the "groove" that one gets into when posing for Playboy? I presume it comes hand in hand with blasting "Human Nature" and downing three martinis.

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Heidi Montag was the last plastic blonde famous-ish girl to pose for the mag. I sincerely hope she gave Tara advice, and I really hope that advice was recorded. You know, like, how to cover up old plastic surgery scars, what kind of body butter has zero calories, how one should always have at least ten copies of the issue on hand at every red carpet, etc., etc.

Reid has said in the past that she would never pose for Playboy, explaining that she's had hang ups about the scars on her stomach. Not, you know, because the magazine demeans and exploits women or anything. It's out of icky scar tissue principle.

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But with the dawn of advanced Photoshop, the world is Tara's smutty oyster, and she can join the ranks of the greatest washed up, silicone-injected celebrity cover girls of our generation.

In other news, Lindsay Lohan can now see into her future by way of Tara Reid's life.