Everyone take cover and pray to the deity of your choice, because the day we've long feared is finally here: Rumors are a-flying that a Lindsay Lohan sex tape may be set loose upon the world.
Here are the dubious details: The London Daily Mirror claims the Hindenburg-lipped starlet is "bracing herself" for the possible leak of a "pretty seedy" 47-second video that supposedly shows her enjoying an "adult activity" with an unidentified guy.
RELATED: See more photos of Lindsay
The fella said to be shopping around the ostensible tape is described as a "waiter with a well-known chain restaurant," which is the most depressing thing we've heard thus far in 2010.
According to the paper, the food slinger has run into copyright issues in his attempts to sell the vid, so he's been advised to upload it to an "offshore porn site."
"This video file is dynamite," maintains a source. "If and when it is released on the Internet, via a spurious, unofficial Web site, there is absolutely nothing she or her lawyers can do about it."
Except perhaps sue the waiter into oblivion.
And while the spy believes Lohan, 23, who was hit with untrue X-rated rumors in 2007 following her hookup with Calum Best, is distressed about the possibility of being seen in a compromising position, especially with the forthcoming release of her BBC documentary on child trafficking in India, she's not acting all that worried.
"What sex tape?" she shrugs to Gossip Cop. "Haha."
Still, says the mole, "Lindsay was desperate to start 2010 off on a good footing and this is the very last thing she needs. She is devastated, particularly as she is working hard on cleaning up her act."
Ahem, "working hard" may be a relative term.
On Wednesday night, Lohan hit the unfortunately named hot spot Voyeur for the launch of Vida, a line of "luxury pleasure objects" (in case you're wondering -- no judgment -- the self-gratification-providing items are rechargeable, "competitively priced," and made from "earth-safe materials").
The onetime actress's hard work included posing with pursed lips on the red carpet while wearing a plunging, semi-transparent polka-dot shirt that highlighted her regrettable lack of foundation garments.
Partying into the wee hours with Lindsay: several of the guidos and guidettes from "Jersey Shore," which is the second-most depressing thing we've heard in 2010.
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