17 EX-GIRLFRIENDS ARE INVITED TO THEIR BIRTHDAY PARTIES!
Simon Cowell turns the big 5-0 in October, but his pal Jackie St. Claire is throwing a party for him three months early. (Apparently it's a surprise party, which I think has since been spoiled.) Among the invitees? Seventeen ex-girlfriends, including Cowell's childhood sweetheart. I imagine the "surprise" Jackie's planning involves them all going onstage and trying to prove why they should still be with Simon. Then they'll air "Britain's (Women) Got No Taste in Men" and Simon will get another $100 million contract. Happy birthday to you!