- Photo: Sara DeBoer/Retna Ltd.2 of 14
Booby Trap: For years, Patricia Arquette's pillowy breasts have served her faithfully, heaving on command and providing a much-needed distraction from the gaping, double-D-sized plot holes on "Medium." And this is how they're rewarded: with a humiliating public pancaking. Patricia, honey, you can't keep treating the girls like this or they'll take revenge in the only way they know how: by surrendering to gravity. We want to help the three of you, so here's a quick test to determine whether you've misjudged the size of your top: If your painfully squashed right boob seeks emergency shelter in the single, puffed sleeve of your chain mail gown, it's too small; if your painfully squashed left boob tries to find breathing room by making a break under your armpit and heading straight for your spine, it's too small; and if you're able to grab a few ZZZZs during the Emmy ceremony by lowering your chin a half-inch onto the padded cushion that is your bosom, it's much, much too small.