Just give us a second to slip on a hazmat suit and take a preventative course of antibiotics, and then we can begin. OK, done and done. In a move that can only hasten (we hope) the zombie apocalypse, "Teen Mom" cautionary tale-turned-porn star Farrah Abraham somehow got hold of Charlie Sheen's phone number and suggested a rendezvous.
Seems she was up for a role on his "Anger Management" sitcom and decided to boost her chances by texting him a compliment and an invitation, which TMZ helpfully shared.
Her first message: "I just felt like saying your [sic] super funny and would love to meet you at some point & I'm in town alot [sic] & hopefully soon will move to the area and maybe we can meet up for a play date with our children or if your [sic] cool for just coffee and relaxing let me know :)"
So, a couple things: It's you're, as in you are, and please don't expose your less-innocent-by-the-day daughter to the guy whose requirements for companionship hover somewhere between "must have opposable thumbs" and "X-rated experience appreciated but not required."
Sheen, for his part, responded exactly as you'd expect to a come-on from the "Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom" thespian.
"You sound fabulous!" he texted. "Coffee is for amateurs and grandma … Would love to get together."
Farrah then proposed two options for a meet-up: a playdate with their kids (even though his twins are still living with ex-wife Denise Richards) or a birthday party with porn stars. She added that if he's "not comfortable" with the latter option (as if) "then let me know something else you would like to do. :)"
Charlie's response: "That is quite a spectrum to navigate, young lady."
Her unwittingly provocative comeback: "Ha ok let me know what your [sic] comfortable with :) My life is a wide spectrum."
Concludes Sheen, "Good answer!"
Charlie will likely be even more intrigued now that Farrah has shared the heartwarming story of how she's gone up a cup size after undergoing yet another boob job. Click on for the before-and-after photos …