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In her upcoming documentary Farrah's Story, Farrah Fawcett opens up about her two-and-a-half year battle with cancer.

Shot with her own home video recorder, the actress, 62, shares her thoughts and feelings about living with the disease and being treated in the U.S. and Germany.

"Of all the things I've ever hoped for in my life, finding a doctor

to surgically remove my anal cancer did not even make the top one million on my list," she says in the two-hour special, airing Friday (9 PM ET, NBC).

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"But now it was number one, number one as in, primary cancer, meaning it was the first in and for that reason, it needed to be the first out," she says. "Because it was this peanut-sized tumor that had sent its army of mutant cells into my liver. And it would continue to send reinforcements into any organ into my body unless someone did something to stop it."

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Fawcett's rep tells that the actress remains in "stable condition" and that, despite Ryan O'Neal's recent remarks, "she never stopped getting treatment." A family source told Us Monday that doctors in Germany are now developing more alternative medicines for her.

"Cancer," Fawcett says in her documentary, "is a disease that is mysterious, headstrong and makes its own rules. And mine, to this date, is incurable."

"I know that everyone will die eventually, but I do not want to die of this disease. I want to stay alive," she says. So I say to God, because it is, after all, in his hands. It is seriously time for a miracle."