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In today's edition of "The Wit and Wisdom of Megan Fox," she teaches us the importance of proper dental hygiene and the dangers of Middle America. "Oh my God! Screen kissing is [bleeping] gross," rants the starlet (via the London Daily Mirror), who recently equated big-screen love scenes to prostitution. "This one kid I had to kiss had just eaten. And he passed a piece of whatever it was into my mouth. I swear to God. Not on purpose. Like it was in his tooth or something? And it was really salty. I almost cried. I was a b---h the rest of the day." The "Transformers" bombshell-cum-uninhibited philosophizer also contemplates -- reluctantly -- what she would say to Megatron to keep him from destroying the world. "I'd barter with him," she muses to the July issue Total Film UK, "and say instead of the entire planet, can you just take out all of the white trash, hillbilly, anti-gay, super bible-beating people in Middle America?"

Related: Check out Megan Fox in Elle magazine

What do 3-year-old Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and 50-year-old Madonna have in common, besides baby-smooth skin? A love of the culinary arts. The tabloids claim both have been practicing their skills in the kitchen. First up is Brad and Angelina's towheaded tot, who In Touch says received a vintage-looking toy kitchen at her third birthday party on May 27. "Brad's parents gave her a classic kitchen set from Pottery Barn Kids because she loves to be a mommy to all of her siblings," says an insider. " . . . She pretended to bake cookies for everyone." Shiloh also got a kid-size dinette set to keep up with her jam-packed tea party schedule. Madonna, meanwhile, has been receiving cooking lessons from pal Jessica Seinfeld in order to whip up tasty meals for her model arm candy, Jesus Luz, reports Us Weekly. "She's taught her some Brazilian dishes," says a source.

Related: See why Madonna and other stars are nothing like us

Speaking of Madonna, have her backup dancers picked up some of her high-maintenance habits? The New York Post says the hoofers are staying at a swanky Manhattan hotel on the Big M's dime during their downtime from her Sticky & Sweet tour, and they're not making friends with the staff. "They are horrible," one employee kvetches to the paper. "We work with people in the fashion and entertainment industry all the time, a crowd that is notoriously difficult, but these guys are rude. They are presumptuous and cheap." But Madonna's rep assures the paper that she "typically" hands over lavish tips at checkout, while a hotel mouthpiece insists the dancers are "a polite group. We are happy to have them stay with us."

Related: See photos of Madonna

Thinking about asking for a raise? Here's a piece of info that will give you the confidence to get the salary you deserve. Life & Style claims Kristin Cavallari, who many feel lacks a definable skill set (hey, don't look at us), is pocketing $63,000 per episode to stir things up on "The Hills." "They needed her," says an insider. "They needed someone new and fresh, who also came with a buzz and a name that was recognizable. Kristin was the obvious choice."

Related: Test your celebrity knowledge with "Guess The Celeb"

In a sighting almost as rare as a dodo riding a unicorn, Michael Jackson's children were spied outside sans any fresh-air-limiting masks or scarves. On Wednesday, paparazzi got clear shots of the faces of Prince Michael, 11, and Paris, 10, as they hit a Los Angeles recording studio with the former King of Pop (their brother, Blanket, 7, was a no-show). Alas, the facial freedom didn't last long. A couple hours later, the tykes were sporting Mardi Gras masks as they left the studio with Jackson, who smiled and waved to the photographers.

Related: Check out celebrity kiddie fashion

"I'm not trying to be something that is simply a clown." That's Marilyn Manson, talking to the London Times about the ominous persona he's still cultivating at the age of 40. "I'm a role villain. Role models are mannequins. I want to be the person who f---s s--t up." Perhaps his wannabe dastardly attitude might explain why he's lately been looking like "Star Wars" baddie Emperor Palpatine's more sunlight-deprived little brother. The seasoned rocker also declares that he still likes to f--- himself up. "I learnt a new lesson," he expounds. "Do drugs and drink when you are in a good mood, not in a bad mood. And you'll be happier."