As a child, Tom Cruise says he dreamt of killing Hitler. As an adult, Tom Cruise just dreams of constructing an elaborate Thetan-powered time machine that will allow him to hurtle back in time and do the deed with his bare hands. (AP)

In Obama's America, Jennifer Connelly will smile more, Cameron Diaz will bring her neighbors a muffin basket, and Jason Bateman will only flush when it's absolutely necessary. Or so these, and other celebs, pledge in Ashton Kutcher's new feel-good MySpace video. (Us Weekly)

High-minded Sundance goers have their turtlenecks in a knot over Paris Hilton's festival behavior. Note to Sundance: ditching Britney Flickinger and making out with MySpace execs IS conduct becoming a Hilton. (NY POST)

Madonna is allegedly receiving Kaballah counseling to be "less domineering" in her relationships. Somewhere, Guy Ritchie's divorce lawyer is unclenching. (MSN Music)

Emo wild child Kelly Osbourne was arrested after slapping a gossip columnist who dared to call her fiance, Luke Worrall, "stupid." Worrall is a male model who--in his own words--is best known for his hair and his lip ring Draw your own conclusions. Out of Kelly Osbourne's earshot. (Us Weekly)

Radio stations are concerned that--when you say the title slowly--Britney Spears' new single, "If You Seek Amy," spells out a vulgar, banned-from-the-airwaves word. Not since 50 Cent's "Magic Stick" have radio listeners been so stunned by popular music's sexual subtext. (Perez Hilton)