Paramore singer Hayley Williams is opening up about her 2017 divorce, revealing that she stopped eating and weighed just 91 pounds at one point.
It was only upon seeing herself in one of the band's music videos that she noticed her frail body, she told The Guardian in a new interview.
"I was in a very unhealthy relationship, and I just kept thinking: 'I can fix it this time,'" she said of her romance with New Found Glory singer Chad Gilbert. "He probably looks at me like the villain. Throwing around my version of someone else's story doesn't feel fair, which is funny because I don't necessarily think it should be fair. Especially not after the s— I went through."
Hayley and Chad were together for 10 years — and married for two of them.
During the divorce proceedings, the 31-year-old singer "developed rashes, stopped eating and her adrenal activity flatlined," she said, acknowledging that her weight was in double digits. Upon seeing pictures from a newly-filmed music video, she knew things had to change.
"It wasn't until I saw the pictures that I was like, there's no hiding that I'm not OK now. And part of me enjoyed that — if people know I'm not OK, they won't get too close," she said.
During the midst of a tour, her bandmates spotted the problem and implored her to eat. She eschewed most of the attempts. Soon, Hayley turned to alcohol as she looked to "break free from a prison that I'd put myself in and to also forget at the same time."
As she prepares to release a solo album, "Petals for Armor," she said songwriting got her back to a better, healthier place.
"One of my biggest healing moments was realizing that a lot of my depression was misplaced anger. I really forced it inward, on myself, and it made me feel shame all the time," she said, claiming she discovered how to use her anger as energy. "It helped me understand things that happened throughout my life that weren't right."
If you think she regrets her past, you'd be incredibly incorrect. In fact, she says female anger is important and empowering.
"Women's rage has changed many things in this world," she says. "We've been able to effect progress in so many arenas."