Barely two weeks removed from her suicide attempt, Fantasia Barrino went into great detail about her darkest moments for an upcoming VH1 "Behind the Music" special, RadarOnline.com has learned.
"I didn't have any fight in me. I didn't care about anything. I just wanted out," Barrino, 26, is quoted as saying in the upcoming special. "At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with -- all of it, all of that [expletive]."
The ex-"American Idol" winner overdosed on aspirin and sleep medication in her native North Carolina Aug. 10. Her reps said she was overwhelmed by the lawsuit and media attention rising from a relationship she was in with Antwaun Cook, a married man. Cook's wife opened a lawsuit naming Fantasia as the reason for the destruction of the Cook marriage.
In the new interview, Barrino goes in-depth about her actual attempts at self-destruction.
"I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle," Barrino said. "I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can't accidentally take a whole bottle of pills."
Barrino said she tried to kill herself because she "was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family -- my father, dealing with men and their [expletive] -- I was tired -- my head was hurting me. I was over it."
She also talks about her relationship with Cook, and the misconceptions she had going into it.
"When I met him, he was separated ... [he] wasn't living in his home," she said. "He didn't want to be back with his wife -- that is what I was told. I remember waking up in the hospital [and thinking to myself], 'It didn't work, I'm still here in this hellhole. Still here with all this drama going on.'"
"My nurse Melanie was a blessing into my life because she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear," she said. "She told me what I needed to hear. And she looked at me and said, 'You gotta get up, and you've gotta get out of here, 'cause you haven't fulfilled your destiny.' I realized how people end up in the grave. Because that one moment of just breaking or feeling like 'I can't, I can't go on, it's too heavy.'
"That was somewhere I don't ever want to go again," she said.
The singer's new album, "Back to Me," hits stores Tuesday. The VH1 special airs that night at 9/8c.
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