Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are making amends with Australia in the most awkward way possible. The duo was famously at war with the country last year after they brought their two adorable Yorkshire terriers, Pistol and Boo, to Australia on a private jet in May.
The bizarre case caught international attention after an Australian health official put a stopwatch on the couple to remove the dogs from the country.
"Mr. Depp needs to take his dogs back to California, or we're going to have to euthanize them," Agriculture Minister Barnaby Joyce said while blasting the couple for their doggy deception. He held a press conference to say they had 50 hours to remove the dogs from Australian soil.
The minister -- clearly enjoying his 15 minutes of fame -- claimed to know that "Captain Jack Sparrow" was named "Sexiest Man Alive" twice by People magazine but didn't seem to care.
"It's time that Pistol and Boo buggered off back to the United States," Joyce said. "[Johnny] can put them on the same chartered jet he flew out on to fly them back out of our nation."
Johnny was never charged but Amber was. As part of plea deal, the couple had to record an apology -- which is painful -- and pay a $1000 fine. Here are five reasons why this apology is the strangest celebrity apology ever.
1. The couple seems less than thrilled about their statements. Many in the media have jokingly equated it to a hostage video, and they're right. The duo doesn't seem comfortable, nor do they really seem passionate.
2. Johnny takes a veiled shot at the Land Down Under while saying he's sorry. "Australians are just as unique, both warm and direct. When you disrespect Australian law they will tell you firmly," he says. In other words, he hasn't forgotten about that whole we-don't-care-if-he's-Sexiest-Man-Alive thing.
3. Really, did Australia think this was actually going to work? People usually don't get over someone telling them that their dogs will be euthanized. Just saying…
4. This is Johnny and Amber's worst performance to date. While Johnny doesn't even attempt to seem convincing in saying that Australia "has to be be protected," Amber desperately tries to appear genuine. "Tries" being the key word. "Australia is free of many pests and diseases that are common place around the world," she says. "That is why Australia has to have such strong biosecurity laws." A for effort, but hardly Oscar worthy.
5. When Johnny says "Declare everything when you enter Australia" in his final words, it almost felt like he had finally stopped scratching his nails on the chalkboard.
It was weird. It was awkward. It was painful. It was 38 seconds of your life you'll never get back… Come to think of it, that's about how we envisioned Captain Jack Sparrow would apologize for anything. It was the most unapologetic apology you'll ever see.
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