By Wonderwall.com Editors
5:53am PDT, Jul 7, 2009
"Grateful Todd left fishing grnds to join me this wkend; but now he's back slaying salmon & working the kids @ the site; anxious to join 'em" – Sarah Palin, whose rustic fisherman husband Todd Palin's ideal Fourth of July weekend included sacrificing a few days with his fish for a rendezvous with a sexy lame duck
"I will not be commenting on Gov. Palin stepping down, but again, I am currently working on a book." – John McCain's daughter, Meghan, proving the theory that Twitter is useless except for self-promotion
"I love you Venus, you made me work hard today. Now, it is time for doubles. I love working with you." – Serena Williams, who declares her allegiance to her sister as publicly as she defeats her
"thanks for all the support and well wishes!! it is very much appreciated and we will get out there and do it again soon! thank you!!!" – Wimbledon non-champ Andy Roddick, who deserves a trophy for his masterful use of the exclamation-point key
"I think 1 of the most amazing things, is when someone calls someone "genius" but spell it wrong ie 'genious'" – Bookworm Lindsay Lohan, whose grammatical fastidiousness apparently doesn't apply to unnecessary commas
"Manny's back w/ the Dodgers. I'm spending the day with Shawn and the kids, it's a great day. Happy Birthday America" – Larry King, whose American dream includes hot younger wives and the return of legendary, dreadlocked baseball players
"Oh-and got stung by a wasp-hurt! Red-neck tip: put chew on a insect sting/bite & it takes the pain away! Sounds gross, but it really works!" – Musician Jewel, whom we can always count on to find new uses for chewing tobacco
"I love this holiday so much, even *before* I knew there was a map on the back of the Declaration of Independence leading to treasure!" – Mindy Kaling, Kelly on "The Office," on loving the USA for all the right reasons
"oh and dont let me tell u about TAXES! Did you know that it is NOT a law that you HAVE TO PAY TAXES? Wow..hold up..droppin 2 much knowledge." – Professional bisexual Tila Tequila, whose tax advice is probably not H&R Block-endorsed
"@taylorswift13 You're as sweet as pie! Let's write a song together about the subject we know best… for my new record. It'll be brilliant~" – Katy Perry, whose supposed common ground with Taylor Swift shall remain unnamed for now
"Ben and I in the bus pre-race. In discussions re: the Dodgeball sequel. Could be huge." – Hopeless bromantic Lance Armstrong, whose new relationship with Ben Stiller may overshadow his past liaisons with Matthew McConaughey and Jake Gyllenhaal
"Happy birthday daddy. Meet you for dessert after the show! – Britney" – Britney Spears, who cares enough to send the very best to her dad — and her approximately 2.5 million Twitter followers
"The 20 20 michael jackson special Is on" – Spoiler spouter Shaquille O'Neal, displaying his insensitivity to those not in his time zone
"This makes no sense. About to perform for the President, First Lady and a couple thousand troops." – Jimmy Fallon, who should probably get his head on straight before he performs for said crowd
"Comedian Tom Green in serious condition after a minor car accident turned into a fist fight. Details are surfacing." – Giuliana Rancic, whose itchy Twitter finger beat out her fact-finding finger (the rumor turned out to be false)
"My first meal not eating obese! It feels so good! Doesn't taste as good! Salad :(" – Spencer Pratt, who declared his independence from eating like an obese American
