The actor had a few drinks as he hilariously live-tweeted Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's beautiful nuptials on May 19 after he got home from work in the middle of the night and happened upon widespread TV coverage while getting ready to go to bed.
"Just got home from work. it's 2:30 am. why is this crazy wedding on EVERY channel right now?!" the "Shooter" star wrote, kicking things off.
Then he found himself drawn in. "These hats are bananas," Ryan tweeted next as he watched guests arrive for the wedding on the grounds of England's Windsor Castle, at this point discovering that there was a hashtag dedicated to the big event and adding it to his tweet.
He cracked a beer, started explaining himself and pretended he wasn't into it. "Hard to wind down after a late shoot. so i'm drinkin a corona, eating some baked lays n hate-watchin this s—," he wrote, soon insisting, "i never want to attend anything where people are dressed this way."
Then, just two minutes after posting a funny Will Farrell GIF with a message claiming he didn't care about the wedding, the 43-year-old father-of-three admitted he'd just opened a second beer.
He then got hooked by speculation over who might have designed Meghan's wedding dress. "Hold on. receiving live wedding dress intel. ABC now! now! sounds like it could be stella mccartney," he added, along with a yellow fingers-crossed emoji.
"Meanwhile, I'm thinking about all the bacon I will eat when this is over," Ryan next wrote in his 20-tweet commentary. "i'm gonna need a lot more beer."
Next up from Ryan? A beer-fueled rhyme: "yo i'm the duchess of sussex / we got buckets of duckets."
Nearly an hour after Ryan got sucked into the TV coverage of the royal wedding, he started judging the journalists covering the spectacle.
"American anchor homie just said he, 'got chills' when he saw the bridal limo… chills, bruh?" Ryan wrote, noticing that "the guy in the red dress has rosy cheeks!" (referring to a member of the clergy, perhaps?) and then quipping, "more car shots. this anchor guy will prob get chills again."
At this point, he cracked open his third Corona and, presumably after seeing more hats jutting off women's heads at precarious angles, and tweeted, "i don't want anyone to get hurt."
Ryan then declared, "i think i'm over it. i tried to hang. i don't think this is for me."
Moments later, he got philosophical and introspective, tweeting just before 4 a.m. Los Angeles time (which was just minutes before the wedding ceremony started in Britain), "we're all gonna die someday. life can be very hollow and humanity disappointing, yet i remain grateful and somewhat hopeful."
But Ryan clearly kept watching, tweeting about 20 minutes later at 4:16 a.m. L.A. time, "are these eunuchs? don't they have them over there? #royalwedding."
That proved to be his final tweet of the day. Did Ryan fall asleep — or watch Harry and Meghan exchange vows without commenting on social media? We'll never know!
Meanwhile, Ryan's ex-wife, Reese Witherspoon, revealed on Instagram that she shed tears while watching royal wedding coverage.
"I always cry at weddings 🎩 👑✨💖What a magical day #royalwedding," Reese captioned a photo of Meghan and Harry leaving for their evening reception.
Fans can only hope Ryan saw coverage of the gorgeous moment Reese posted about later in the day because it turns out Meghan — as Ryan had hoped earlier during his live-tweeting spree — had changed into a dress by none other than Stella McCartney!