WENN / Invision/AP 1 / 24
WENN / Invision/AP 1 / 24

James Franco may have tried to pick up a 17-year-old on Instagram, but the guy insists he has standards, and Lindsay Lohan doesn't meet them. In a chat with interviewer extraordinaire Howard Stern on Wednesday, the actor pleaded innocence over his inclusion on LiLo's recently revealed conquest list.

"It's a lie," he assured Howard. "I will swear on my mother's life that I never had sex with her."

What they did have was a brief, saliva-inclusive acquaintance in 2004, when he was filming "Spider-Man 2" in New York. At the time, James would have been around 26; Lindsay would have been around -- ahem -- 17.

"All right, we maybe kissed … it was lame," he said. "This is meaningless in my life. When we made out, it was so long ago … I was like a nice guy. Like, OK, the kiss is enough.' It was also sort of like, 'What the hell am I doing?' She was young."

Added the frustrated actor, "I can't believe she put me on that private list. She's so delusional!" (Franco has plenty of company on the Scattegories scorecard-penned sexual inventory, joining the alleged likes of Justin Timberlake, Heath Ledger, Adam Levine, Zac Efron and Colin Farrell.)

Franco reiterated the nookie denial several times during the interview: "I will swear on anything you ask that I have never had sex with Lindsay Lohan."

But they did cross paths again a few years later, when both were staying at the Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles.

"I don't know what to say other than we were at this hotel during a very dark period of her history, and I think she liked -- it seemed pretty damn clear -- that she liked me," he recalls, adding that at one point, she persuaded the hotel's front desk to give her a key to his room.

"She even broke into my room one time," says Franco, claiming LiLo spent a long time "stalking" him. "I was on the couch and opened my eyes and there's Lindsay in my room at 3 a.m."

In lieu of other activities, he read her a story ("It sounds so nerdy," he acknowledged).

James also revealed that the last time he saw Lindsay, she came to one of his NYU theater rehearsals, but she was "so rude" to the undergrads, critiquing their performances, that he ordered her out and locked the door.

"Every time I've brought her back into my life and tried to be nice, it's turned really lame and stupid," sighed Franco, bemoaning that during the course of their long, bumpy friendship, they've often gotten along fine, but Lohan would have stretches where she'd "turn horrible."

All of which has provided fodder for Franco's interviews and his new book of poetry, "Directing Herbert White," which features two poems featuring Lindsay.


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