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It's quickly dawned on Robert Pattinson that there's a downside to being the most wanted sparkly vampire on the planet. The New York Daily News says the sought-after "Twilight" star is homesick for London (and perhaps maybe-honey Kristen Stewart) after being besieged by adoring and handsy female fans while filming "Remember Me" in Manhattan. "Robert is dying to get back home," says a source. "He's so over everything. He's overwhelmed by all the girls -- they terrify him! He says girls grab his neck and clothing all of the time, and he's not used to that. Fans don't do that to him in London. Everyone there is a little cooler about the fame thing, which is what he's used to." The mole adds that the actor is perplexed by the frenzy. "Robert doesn't understand why everyone is going so crazy over him," explains the mole. "He's embarrassed by the way girls throw themselves at him ... He's afraid that if he gives a hand, they'll take the whole arm. He's being advised by security not to encourage the crowd, so he doesn't even look up anymore."

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Madonna's personal trainer wants everyone to know that she's responsible for the pop icon's rock-hard body but not her super-sinewy arms. "I told her to forget everything she had been taught before and to give up yoga, which can make you look terribly veiny," Tracy Anderson is quoted as telling the London Daily Mail. But Anderson, who also trains Gwyneth Paltrow in between being accused of financial shenanigans, is quick to add, "Madonna's very healthy and looks fantastic but those veins have nothing to do with me!" She also offers a suggestion for those who are trying to whip themselves into shape: "I get all my clients to drink coconut water -- it is the best thing when you're training." Madonna, meanwhile, got in a spiritual workout on Saturday when she and her brood hit the Kabbalah Center in London, where newly minted daughter Mercy, 4, was snapped sporting a red string bracelet just like brothers David, 3, and Rocco, 8, and sister Lourdes, 12. Later that night, the Big M paid tribute to Michael Jackson during her Sticky & Sweet show at O2 arena. As a Jackson doppelganger busted a move, she told the crowd, "Let's give it up to one of the greatest artists the world has ever known. Long live the King."

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Most 3-year-olds enjoy the peppy tunes of the Wiggles, but it seems Suri Cruise has more mature tastes. And by mature, we mean AARP-approved. On Sunday, she joined parents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes at a matinee of the stage production of "Jersey Boys: The Story of Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons" in Melbourne, Australia, where the family has temporarily relocated while the actress shoots the horror film, "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark." According to the Herald-Sun, Cruise borrowed a camera from a snapper to take some shots of the photo-averse Suri, who, as usual, looked unhappy with the commotion caused by the family's very public outing. Papa Cruise proudly shared that the tyke knew nearly all the words to the Frankie Valli songs featured in the show because they play the CD at home.

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Fergie and Josh Duhamel have some classy friends. The couple got a stripper pole as a wedding gift, but only one of them has made use of it -- and it's not who you think. "I've played on the pole more than she has," reveals the actor (via the New York Post). "If you know my wife, she's a perfectionist and won't get on it until she's good, so she wants to take a class first. So the pole is really just decorative at this point." Speaking of things that are decorative, Duhamel doesn't hesitate when asked to name the "hottest part of a woman's body," opining, "Personally, I like the ass."

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