MTV star Tana Mongeau is coming clean about her struggles with prescriptions drugs.
Earlier this week, Tana, who previously dated Bella Thorne, posted a video that detailed her troubling childhood, her past year, which included a fake marriage, and her once apathetic view toward life.
In the video titled, "letting you in on the truth about MTV, depression + a life update," the YouTube superstar spoke of the affect a friend's death had on her in 2015. She said she was "bottling in the depression" and "numbing things out" with drugs.
"I was at the point of taking Xanax, where it's not where I was trying to overdose…I was definitely just taking enough to where I wasn't trying to kill myself, but I definitely didn't care if I died," she said. "I think that's the scariest road that you could possibly take."
Last year, Tana, the star of MTV's "No Filter," said she hit "rock bottom."
"2019 might have been one of the most successful textbook years of my life, but when it comes to my mental state it was absolutely hands down, in my 21 years of life, the worst year of that," she said. "From January to December of 2019, I crumbled, to be real, and I think by the end of 2019 I had beaten myself up in every possible way to the point where I wasn't even a person. I was fully at rock bottom. I wanted to die. I wanted to kill myself. I did not want to live."
For Tana, 2019 included a split with fellow YouTuber Jake Paul — a split that happened after the duo had a faux marriage in Las Vegas.
Now, though, she said she has a clean slate.
"I feel like I'm on the road to becoming the best me I've ever become," she said. "I'm finally ready to be back to YouTube, making funny videos, but obviously the [MTV] show airing of me at the worst time of my life…is a really weird conflict."
She added, "I just feel bad that the show makes anyone look a way that they're not, but here we are."