By Dana Flax
In a world where oddball stories such as the case of Lady GaGa's mystery genitals make national news on the daily, it's surprising that the bizarre antics of Amy Winehouse continue to shock and amaze me. (It's almost like she's dependably nutty! Warms the heart!). If you, too, tend to fall under that category, kindly read on.
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According to U.K.'s Daily Express, a London builder discovered Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil's wedding photo album, a smashed guitar and broken records in a dumpster just days after their divorce was finalized last month.
Put down the liquid liner, kids. You'll need full concentration to digest the following tidbit.
Apparently the album was incomplete, with a couple of pictures torn out while "others had the singer's trademark beehive hairdo coloured in with marker pen."
Now, there are many phrases one could use that evoke Amy Winehouse ("Spindly retro train wreck"; "Very small substance admirer"; "Health and fitness fanatic"), but marker-wielding preschool child hadn't really been on my list, until now. Seriously, where'd she get the idea for this? It's out of the pages (heh) of the "Mean Girls" slam book. Anyone seen LiLo lately ... ?
The article continues, "Winehouse's spokesperson issued a statement indicating the 'Rehab' hitmaker would like the album back -- and the finder, father-of-seven Dermot O'Regan, dutifully returned it."
I'd venture a guess that maybe good ole' Blake was the one who threw the album out in the first place, but he's been waxing so sentimentally about her lately, I'd just as soon rule that theory out. Plus, it's way more fun to imagine Amy perched on a Playskool stool, going totally apesh-- on the happy pictures with one of those fat Crayolas. Which she pulled out of a convenient writing utensil stash hidden next to the SoyJoy bar section of her beehive.
Anyway, the lucky finder has his own theory: "I don't know if Amy threw the album away or her ex (did), but my wife said that's what she would do if we ever divorced, so it could have been the actions of an angry woman." He adds, conclusively, "Whoever threw it away obviously never wanted to look at that album again."
You can theorize to your heart's content, my budding sommeliers (that's my new term for connoisseurs of the capers of Miss Wino), but we perhaps may never know the true identity of the angered divorcee with the mind of a child. (At least this ill-fated saga didn't end like Sid and Nancy.)