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By Dana Flax

Listen up, baby GaGas!

In a morning show interview on Sirius XM today, the Lady herself gave some priceless advice as to how to replicate her smashing look for this weekend's upcoming Halloween festivities. Read on for her advice, plus the declaration that she has "a beer and pizza in my shoulder pads," you know, "just like everybody else."

How you, and every other *clever* person, can be Lady GaGa this Halloween:

Lady GaGa: "I wear a lot of leather. Definitely a good giant pair of sunglasses. You need a blonde wig ... I hate that blonde Hollywood porn star hair. I like it to look really white. I say, Andy Warhol white wig. You can actually use baby powder, you can just put baby powder right in it and it will work."

Yeah! Curse those fake floozies who parade around in outlandish outfits ... doing that porn!

On finding the proper lord to her Lady:

LG: "In terms of a boyfriend, I like a real guy. The money and the yacht, that is so unimpressive to me. I need a strong guy that can handle a strong woman, and often I think that that's a big mistake that artists make. And I don't consider myself a celebrity, and I say that because I just don't associate with the Hollywood scene at all. I'm really to myself. I focus on my work. For me, it's like a deal breaker. If I meet someone and then I find out they want to be in movies or something, it's over for me."

The perfect man also must possess a key to her magical astronomy diorama chastity belt.

If there's one thing the blood-soaked getups clue us into, it's that she's real:

LG: "I'm a real woman. Even though I have an incredible fashion sense, and that's kind of part of my performance art and what I do, I have a beer and pizza in my shoulder pads just like everybody else and watch the Yankees."

This statement makes total sense -- when you live in her "Dynasty"-at-the-sports-bar mash-up dreamland.

GaGa still loves Kanye, even after he dropped out of their tour:

LG: "Kanye and I are friends. We're still friends. We sat down. I'm sure you guys know, 'cause you all have really good friends, when you're really friends with somebody, you can make difficult decisions, and we made a very difficult decision. It was hard on both of us."

Is it just us, or does it sound like she's explaining to Lil' 'Ye and Mini GaGa why their parents are divorcing?

A slave to her art, GaGa goes [for] broke:

LG: "The good news is, I'm playing [to] just as many people in each city that I would have played on 'Fame Kills,' but the ticket price is much lower. [Laughs.] The show is just as expensive. It's really expensive. I'm doing what I always do, which is, I go bankrupt. [Laughs.] I go bankrupt on my shows."

Sounds like GaGa's in dire need of a baby food sponsorship deal! You listening, Gerber?

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