Celebrity Cleavage Control

By Saryn Chorney

Heather Graham is back on top — and so are her breasts! We couldn't help but notice the arrival of the ever-shagadelic actress and her two scene-stealing co-stars at the recent red-carpet premiere of "The Hangover." The 39-year-old actress and her boobs really do look great for their age, no doubt about it, but even boobs need some breathing room. Give the old gals a rest; they've earned their keep this week.

Even though she's parted ways with the Hef and her other "Girls Next Door," Kendra Wilkinson will never have to feel lonely, because her "girls down there" aren't going anywhere.

Mariah's big glittery headlights are blinging so bright that they're in danger of bringing down airplanes.

Spotted: Blake Lively's cleavage (again). She's a beautiful girl and all, but Serena van der Boobson should really put those things away sometimes.

Jennifer Love Hewitt has been famous for nearly 15 years now, and, for some reason, we feel like we've never even seen her face. Maybe something is distracting us?

Anna Faris is so good at hilariously parodying bleach-blond, fake-boobied bimbos that we can't even tell where her characters end and she begins. But we definitely believe in her cleave.

We can't tell Cloris Leachman to control her cleavage, because she's already straight up handling it. That lady's been around long enough to know how to put those girls to work overtime, and she doesn't care if we know it.

Kim Kardashian has been coasting on her humps for too long now. We're too enamored with her cleavage (both front and back) to even notice that she's wearing a ridiculous leather zebra-skin blazer with ripped-up capri jeans. She's just toying with us now!

Why's Bai Ling acting so bummed out about all that cleavage? She's already managed to color coordinate her eye-shadow with her chest, so the least she could do is bother to flash a smile.

I doth say, Keira Knightley must be gearing up for some new Shakespearean film adaptation where she plays the role of a cross-dressing heroine. That's fine and dandy on set, but it's pretty risky to strap 'em down on a red carpet. To show off your boobies, or not to show off your boobies? That is always the question in Hollywood — but this dress is never the answer.

Here she is, the bosom godmother herself, at the 63rd Annual Tony Awards in New York. Dolly Parton, we salute you and your large, yet tasteful, tetons. May your cleavage continue to grow, prosper and influence many future generations of busty starlets.