By Saryn Chorney
Dating is hard, especially when you're famous. With Celebrity Personals, we give these single stars the help they need to get back into the game. Good luck, lovers.
If U Seek Amy: Divorced Mom of Two, 27, likes Twinkies, M&Ms, beef jerkey, wigs, umbrellas, flashing privates, womanizers — shall I go on, y'all? If you've been living under a rock since '06 and my daddy approves, let's get hitched quick!
Dream Guy, 28, seeks indie darling to enchant, then destroy emotionally. Likes growing burly beards, making puppy dog eyes and giving half nelsons. Inanimate objects are OK.
Harvard Hottie, 27, seeks foreign, bearded hipster to enchant, then destroy emotionally. If judging film festivals, hanging with Moby and mutual head-shaving sounds fun, call my agent. "Star Wars" fanboys highly discouraged.
Just Call Me Slater: Sexy Bachelor, 35, likes dancing the Cha Cha, romancing the ladies, and reporting for "Extra" duty. Seeking pro-polyamory brunette beauty who knows why a fifth of Americans can't locate America on a map. Are you the one?
Grunge Widow, 44, resembles hot mess-ier Madonna (so I've been told). Enjoys my old Hole, my little Frances Bean, being out of rehab and insane blog and Twitter rants. Want to live through the highs and lows of life together? Text now. I'm waiting!
Barely Legal Leggy Blonde, 20, seeks sweet Floridian suitor for a pole dancin', body slammin' good time. Ideal guy defers to my Dad, especially on suntan lotion applications. He knows best. Close your eyes, I'm almost Britney.
Dapper Devilish Brit, 21, seeks virginal true love, but professionals and groupies welcome. Enjoys metrosexual style, hanging with my cast/mates, not talking dirty and watching "American Psycho." Chicks dig Chuck Bass, and I'm Chuck Bass.
Diddy's Homegirl, 25, seeks "incredible passion and honest love" with any segment of the population. Must enjoy watching me get naked, tiny dogs on red carpets, and chillin' with Jenna Jameson. Wanna touch my hair extensions? Like, who doesn't!?!