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By Kat Giantis
Floral Fixation: The world is a better place because of miniaturization. Computers, skirts, vans, golf, Schnauzers and pizzas have all benefited from shrinkage. But there are certain things that should never, ever be made mini. At the top of the list (sandwiched between the mini-mall and Dr. Evil's Mini-Me): the muumuu. Jessica Simpson demonstrates the many reasons why Mrs. Roper's trademark look should stay floor-length as she attends a family dinner in Los Angeles. No matter how leggy, lithe, or pillow-lipped you are (and Jess is all those things), it's impossible to carry off a butt cheek-grazing caftan made from the tropical wallpaper that once covered Blanche Devereux's much-trafficked bedroom on "Golden Girls." You just end up looking like a dizzy blonde who forgot to wear pants while borrowing her boyfriend's deliberately kitschy Hawaiian shirt. At least the starlet's mini-muumuu is an improvement over the Great Double-Belted Denim Disaster of '09, although that's kind of like saying her straight-to-DVD Army comedy, "Private Valentine: Blonde and Dangerous," is better than her straight-to-DVD romantic comedy, "Blonde Ambition" (not that we're admitting to watching either flick. Hey, don't look at us like that. We were bored. It was late. There was nothing on. And there may have been alcohol involved).