Top 12 Reasons Not to Date John Mayer, According to John Mayer
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by Kat Giantis
The world is John Mayer's therapist. "That girl, for me, is a drug," the verbal vomiting crooner confesses of ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson in the March issue of Playboy. "And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me." Oh, and she's also apparently "sexual napalm," which makes us wonder whether he's burning with passion or something more contagious.
Either way, his indiscreet, ungentlemanly confessions, for which he's already apologized, confirm what we've long suspected. No, not that he deserves all those comparisons to a feminine hygiene product (that would be a disservice to the good people at Summer's Eve). It's this: John Mayer is out to prove that he's romantic Kryptonite, able to repel potential soul mates with his monster-creating loquaciousness.
Ladies (especially famous blond ladies -- we're looking at you, Jennifer Aniston and possibly-but-hopefully-not Taylor Swift), it's time to Mayer-proof your hearts. Really, it's what he wants. Don't believe us? Click through for the many reasons why you shouldn't date John Mayer, as illustrated over the years by John Mayer ...