Are Jen and John really splitsville again? Breaking up is hard to do, especially when you're famous. With Celebrity Personals, we give these newly single stars the help they need to get back into the dating game. Good luck, lovers.
Pied Piper of Hollywood Beauties Seeks Divorced Tabloid Darling for heavy crooning and anti-commitment brainwashing sessions. Trips to Europe and Casa Joe Francis are musts; neediness and pre-nups are dealbreakers. Wonderland-esque bodies only.
STRICTLY PLATONIC: Newly Celibate Sex Kitten (And Cat) Sks Pal of Either Gender for thrifty shopping and '90s song sharing. My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake and/or Chiquita Banana costumes preferred. If pranking Lily Allen sounds fun, reply now!
Bad Boy Royal Seeks Bodacious Blond for Holiday Snogging. Ideal mate "gets" racist humor and enjoys being hounded by the press. Must look HOT in a tiara. Likes pubs and the occasional fag. Rhino-riding skills/no bikini camel-toe preferred.
Party of Two Perfect Breasts, 29, Seeks Earnest Creative Type for Ghost Whispering and Heart Trampling. Must enjoy Kids Incorporated and Enrique Iglesias. Willing to adore or abhor curvy figure as needed. Accepts Audrey Hepburn as "The Goddess."
STRICTLY PLATONIC: Charisma Machine, 47, Sks Adopted Family for frequent pats on the back and widely publicized practical jokes. Enjoys self, models and lavish parties at Italian lakeside home. Must accept long-term relationship with People Magazine.
British Mouthpiece, 23, Addicted to Fried Mars Bars, Hair Dye, and Misbehavior seeks older gent for topless romps at the Cannes Film Festival and/or aboard a yacht. Must embrace poofy dresses, trainers and drunken MySpace messages to Katy Perry.