By Courtney Reimer
Whether they were living through a reality TV nightmare or going on a frantic run for a root beer float, celebrities went crazy on the Twitters again this week. Click through to see the best and the brightest, keep an eye on our Celebrifeed, and be sure to follow Wonderwall while you're at it!
"@mileycyrus God Bless you!!! Were Praying to Jesus that NBC forgives us for being quitters! Quitters never win and a winner never quits!" — Spencer Pratt, after "the devil" persuaded Speidi to leave "I'm a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here" (bad reality TV really is one of Satan's top priorities)
"I thought REAL doctors talk to patients in offices behind closed doors. Am I wrong? Hmmmmm. I think NOT! Yay!" — Lindsay Lohan, enthusiastically lashing out at Dr. Drew, who said that "something horrible" will have to happen before she "embraces sobriety"
"EVERYONE RUN TO YOUR NEAREST SONIC AND GET A FREE ROOT BEER FLOAT!!!!! RRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN — Jenny Craig fugitive Kirstie Alley, from whom a frozen treat giveaway is a five-alarm code-red situation
"Wassup, world? My name is Max Armstrong and I just arrived. My Mommy is healthy and so am I!" — Lance Armstrong, ghost-tweeting for his newborn son/future cycling champion
"@petewentz but u make a way sexier vampire in 16 candles video. I'd let u bite me so I could live with u forever." — Ashlee Simpson, showing that even famous people aren't above "Twilight"-inspired lame-o goth talk
"Yaay. Workout time.I'm so friggin excited I can't even know what to say. The bleakness is deeeeeeeeeep!!!! : )" — Mariah Carey, who apparently prepares herself for the gym by having an existential meltdown
"@katyperry thank u katy… I've been on here 2 days and when i got on the plane i had a 4 hour tingle in my thumbs…normal?" — Twitter newbie Josh Groban, reaching out to rumored-ex Katy Perry, who should probably tell him to take it easy on the Tweeting lest his thumbs fall off
"We just finished the last episode of Lost Season 4. What a cliff hanger!! I need Season 5 dvd's now! But going to bed have to wake up at 6am" — Paris Hilton, only moments prior to being devoured by a giant smoke monster (well, if there was any justice in the world)
"I will not tinker with my loins. I will go back to sleep, but I will not tinker with my loins. Sto- no. NO. No tink- STOP thinking about it." — John Mayer, somehow under the impression that the 1.2 million people who follow him are interested in hearing about his struggles with self-exploration
"Vanilla cake w/ vanilla filling it is! Stella seemed to like vanilla with lemon but I'm told vanilla across the board is safe bet for kids" — Tori Spelling, sharing one of life's tough decisions: what cake to have at your kid's first birthday party
"In the studio. I don't know whose computer I'm using. Pssh.. Such a rebel right now.." — Taylor Swift, not opposed to tickling the ivories of a stranger's laptop
"home from the carnival.lisa rinna and her husband adorable! her family is f..ing gorgeous!" — Denise Richards, reminding us that plastic-surgery-addicted birds of a feather flock together
"Just had my railings cleaned, found out I've still got my wisdom theeth" — Heather Mills, who might be going from gold-digging to gold fillings
"All the scum bag coward husbands and the less then impressive sluts unite! You can all go down in flames together! Hooray!" — "Milkshake" singer, pregnant lady and estranged wife of rapper Nas, Kelis, calling out all cheaters