By Jessica Wedemeyer
One of the things we love most about Gwyneth Paltrow is how delightfully out of touch she is with the rest of the world. The Oscar winner practically grew up in the spotlight, and as a result, she's developed a unique view of the way things work. In honor of her 42nd birthday on Sept. 27, read on for her 15 wackiest beliefs — from how negative energy affects water to why her life is like war and more!
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Belief: Getting bashed on the Internet is like war. During an interview with Re/code at their inaugural Code Conference in May 2014, Gwyneth Paltrow compared her life in the public eye to the crimes against humanity committed during war. "You come across [online comments] about yourself and about your friends, and it's a very dehumanizing thing," she said. "It's almost like how in war, you go through this bloody, dehumanizing thing." (No, Gwyneth, war is like war.) Needless to say, her comments did not go over well.
Belief: Cheese from a tin is worse than crack. Hold the squeeze cheese, please! "I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can," Gwyneth Paltrow told Jonathan Ross on his British talk show in July 2011 — because, clearly, processed foods are much worse for you than crack cocaine.
Belief: Chris Martin is like Picasso. Don't get us wrong, we love Coldplay — but there's only one Pablo Picasso. That didn't stop Gwyneth Paltrow from comparing her baby daddy to the legendary Spanish artist during a September 2011 interview with Elle Magazine. "It's like living with Picasso," she gushed after calling her then-husband a "musical genius." When Chris Martin does to soft rock what Picasso's cubist movement did to art, let us know!
Belief: The Met Gala is lame. Leave it to Gwyneth Paltrow to rain on the biggest fashion parade of the year. After attending the 2013 Costume Institute Gala, Goop complained to USA Today that the A-list event was "so un-fun." "I'm never going again," she griped. "It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all." Hey, Gwynnie, we're happy to go in your place next year! After all, the Met Gala is only one of the hottest tickets in town.
Belief: The sun is never bad for you — and neither is anything else natural. Apparently, Gwyneth Paltrow has never heard of a pesky little disease called melanoma. "We're human beings and the sun is the sun — how can it be bad for you?" she asked British Cosmopolitan in July 2013. Sure, 15 minutes of sun a day is just fine, but there are plenty of natural things that can kill you, Gwyneth. (See cyanide, anthrax and mercury!)
Belief: Finding the balance between tofu and cigarettes is what makes life interesting. That's what Gwyneth Paltrow told the May 2013 issue of Harper's Bazaar. "I use organic [beauty] products, but I get laser [skin treatments]," she said. "It's what makes life interesting, finding the balance between cigarettes and tofu." And here we thought things like love, family and adventure made life interesting!
Belief: Reese Witherspoon is a sellout. During a 2006 interview with The Guardian, Gwyneth Paltrow used Reese Witherspoon as an example of a talented actress who only makes romantic comedies. "You see her in something like 'Walk the Line' and think, 'God, you're so great.' And then you think, 'Why is she doing these stupid romantic comedies?' But of course it's for money and status," Goop said of her fellow Oscar winner. Clearly, Gwyneth has forgotten all about her "Shallow Hal" days.
Belief: A wood-burning pizza oven is one of the best investments she's ever made. It's not an investment into her career, her home or children's education that stands out in Gwyneth Paltrow's mind. "We've got a wood-burning pizza oven in the garden — a luxury, I know, but it's one of the best investments I've ever made," she wrote in her 2011 cookbook "My Father's Daughter." Does Gwyneth Paltrow even eat pizza?
Belief: She'd rather die than let her kids eat ready-made soup. As far as Gwyneth Paltrow is concerned, eating processed foods is a fate worse than death. "I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup," she told Conan O'Brien during an appearance on his talk show back in 2005. Tell that to the one in five American children who go to bed hungry every night, Gwynnie!
Belief: It's gross when women drink alcohol. Gwyneth Paltrow makes no secret of her affinity for red wine. But getting drunk is another matter — especially for women. "I think it's gross," she told The Guardian in 2006 of getting drunk. "I really don't like drunk women; I think it is such a bad look. I think it's very inappropriate and I don't like it." But drunk men? Apparently they're A-OK!
Belief: We should all spend $23K on holiday gifts. Looking for some holiday shopping inspiration? Well, thank goodness for Her Goopness! In November 2013, Gwyneth Paltrow took to her blog to share her top picks for her holiday gift collection — including a culinary set worth $6,000 and a $105 deck of cards. The cost of the entire collection? A whopping $23,000. Good luck making rent next January!
Belief: Her family can't live without Vegenaise. Poor Apple and Moses Martin: Their mom is apparently under the impression that Vegenaise — vegan mayonnaise — is their favorite condiment. "We basically can't live without Vegenaise — it's a little out of control," Gwyneth Paltrow wrote in her 2013 cookbook "It's All Good." We guess if it's a choice between Vegenaise and raw kale, Vegenaise wins every time!