We aren't a doctor, nor do we play one on TV. But that's not going to stop us from diagnosing the red-carpet disorder that has afflicted Jennifer Lopez lo these many years. You know how Tobias Fünke from "Arrested Development" is a never-nude (i.e., he's forever in denim cutoffs so he won't have to be naked)? J.Lo is a never-not-nude. We eagerly await word from the American Medical Association on whether this heartbreaking condition will soon be officially recognized.