"Helloooooo?" hollered Justin Bieber's crotch, listening to the echo while peering into the vast emptiness above. "Anybody there?" Suddenly, a heavy sigh blew across the void. "Pipe down," warned Bieber's gold lamé gloves. "Yeah," added his shoulder studs. "We're embarrassed enough. Don't make things worse by calling attention to us. Right, Mr. Pants?" Silence. "Mr. Pants?" A small sob, and then, "I can't live this lie anymore, pretending to be something I'm not. The truth is, I once shined as Michael Jackson's red leather jacket from the 'Beat It' video. Now my sleeves encase Justin Bieber's legs. Oh, the shame, the shame."