By Paige Ferrari
When celebrities aren't selling themselves, they're probably selling you something. Of course, not all stars and their products are such great matches. That's why we've rounded up the top 12 celebrity endorsements that, through miscasting, mixed messages, or general reliance on inane underlying concepts, managed to miss the mark.
12. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt filmed this (unaired) Pizza Hut commercial shortly before their misadventures in the Costa Rican jungle on "I'm a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here." Granted, Heidi and Spencer are appropriately cheesy spokespeople. We're just suspicious that Heidi would never let that greasy goodness enter her soon-to-be-tastefully nude temple.
11. Holly Madison's marriage to the Travelocity gnome seems about as unlikely as, well, her relationship with Hugh Hefner. (Then again, Hef and the gnome are both wizened men of the world who seem most at home nuzzled up to a comely blonde's chest.)
The former "Girl Next Door" seems an especially odd candidate for a travel site (and a white dress), seeing as her most exotic travel plans seem to involve commuting between the Playboy Mansion and Las Vegas.
10. Carl's Jr. pulled out the stops for this meaty ad, sticking "Hills" star Audrina Patridge in a gold bikini, then forcing her to betray every impulse that led her to stardom by downing a juicy burger.
Two problems here: Drooling frat boys don't watch "The Hills." Girls who watch "The Hills" are, like their patron St. Audrina, usually resistant to solid food.
9. We sort of want to applaud Virginia Madsen for owning up to her enthusiasm for injectibles. The Oscar-nominated actress starting shilling for Botox Cosmetics in 2008.
Still, we can't help but think it's bad news for a serious thespian to draw attention to the fact that she purposely paralyzes her face. Just ask Rachel Weisz, who probably considers Virginia the A-Rod of acting.
There J. Love was, being called out for losing her "I Know What You Did Last Summer" physique, all while modeling the latest in letting-yourself-go undergarments. Rough.
(Hey, they do look comfortable. Wear them for the Jamie Kennedy in your own life!)
7. We must admit, Madonna's ads for Louis Vuitton were beautifully shot.
But there's something about an aging pop icon doing suggestive leg lifts with a designer purse that seems wrong … perhaps because it brings to mind the feel of old leather?
6. Wouldn't you love beautiful, lustrous, long lashes like Brooke Shields? Sure you would. However, it's worth keeping in mind that common side effects of this prescription eyelash enhancer include ocular itching, hair growth on areas the solution touches, and changes in eye pigmentation that may be permanent.
5. We wonder if the marketing department for Yaz birth control considered all the girls on "The Hills" before finding their spokeswoman in Lo Bosworth.
Lauren Conrad? Too prudish.
Audrina Patridge? Too obvious.
Lo Bosworth? Innocuous, relatable, possibly extremely fertile. Perfect.
Speaking about her endorsement of the contraceptive, Lo said: "As a Gen Yer working in the entertainment industry, I need to be disciplined. I need to make sure I'm taking care of myself so nothing interrupts my day."
Hear that kids? Come work in the entertainment industry, where discipline amounts to working out with a trainer, eating lots of Pinkberry, and not getting knocked up!
4. Jessica Simpson is just one of the many celebrities who have shilled for ProActiv Solution. (Notables include P. Diddy, Vanessa Williams, and Kelly Clarkson.) But this ad strikes us as a miss for two reasons.
1. In Jess' former life as the prom queen of pop music, it's hard to imagine her relating to acne-ravaged teens.
2. Now, with her country music career on hold and her Daisy Dukes possibly permanently retired, we imagine a weepy Jess cleaning out gallons of Proactiv Solution from Tony Romo's medicine cabinet. It's just really really sad to think about.
3. When we think of Hulk Hogan, we don't usually think about thinking. This makes this ad for 10-10-220 ironic, we suppose. Sort of like Amy Winehouse doing promotional work for O'Doul's.
2. OK, Lindsay Lohan needed a paycheck (and an afternoon chow-down at craft services), so we understood why she became the spokeswoman for fashion line Fornarina. What we don't understand is why the ad required her to dress up like Jem, minus the Holograms.
At least in this ad, the only surprise in Lindsay's pants is a magic pink triangle that makes everything super trippy.
1. Jamie Lee Curtis used to be famous for a great set of legs and a certain terrible urban legend. Now she's famous for, well, promoting yogurt that makes you regular.
The problem here is … actually, what are we talking about? There is no problem here. This yogurt is a godsend, and Jamie Lee Curtis is a virtuous celebri-prophet, sent to enlighten us all about the wonders of Bifidus Regularis.
Preach on, sister Jamie.
Honorable Mention: While no deal has been inked, it has been rumored that Kevin Federline has been approached about serving as a spokesman for Nutrisystem.
The formerly slim K-Fed has gained a bit of weight in the last few years. (Perhaps living off the fat of Britney's spousal support?)
We'd like to see Kevin go on the diet plan, but only if he'll do a bikini unveiling on Oprah, a la another questionable celebrity spokeswoman — Kirstie Alley.