By Saryn Chorney and Alex Blagg
Celebrities are always trying to parlay their fame from one arena of showbiz into another. Why stop at making ridiculous movies or TV shows when you can also have a totally absurd career as a recording artist? Here's our list of 25 stars who did just that.
25. Reality starlet-turned-singer Brooke Hogan's sophomore album, "The Redemption," will debut later this year, but the cover art has already leaked online. All we can say is thank heavens for little Brooke and her ninth-grade art teacher, because without this cover, where would our countdown even begin?
24. The inspiration for Paris Hilton's album cover was famed artist Edgar Degas' series of ballerina paintings combined with auteur director Rick Salomon's cinematic masterpiece "1 Night in Paris."
23. The only thing scary-hotter than Juliette Lewis sucking on Robert De Niro's thumb in "Cape Fear" is the actress turned shock rocker looking so bummed about being inexplicably dressed as Pocahontas during an arm wrestling tournament.
22. Scarlett Johansson's concept album "Anywhere I Lay My Head" is a compilation of Tom Waits cover songs, but judging by this cover art, it looks like it would be enjoyed only by pretentious Hobbits.
21. Why is Gina Gershon crying blood? Who is Cleo? Is it her cat? Did anyone actually buy this album? Just what the hell is going on here?
20. Judging by her scribbled name, skull-and-crossbones, guitar, stars, lightning, naked lady silhouette and Pegasus illustrations on the cover, Lindsay Lohan probably should've called this album "Doodle" instead of "Speak." However, her hair looks magnificent and obviously serves as inspiration for Zac Efron's current combed-over-bangs 'do.
19. Former Aussie actress-turned-singer Kylie Minogue's first album, "Kylie," had to be checked for lice by the school nurse before kids were allowed to bring it in for show-and-tell.
18. The only thing Ashlee Simpson looks like she L.O.V.E.S. here is lip-synching.
17. Before Shaquille O'Neal discovered both Twitter and self-awareness, he tried his hand at gangsta rap. And while his expression on the album certainly was fearsome, the effect was sort of offset by the choice of a neon color palette and wacky '90s fonts.
16. Back in 1985, every male R&B singer wanted a career just like Lionel Richie's, including wannabe singer Eddie Murphy. Fans may have loved Eddie best as a raunchy comedian, but nothing says serious soul artist like bending over with your cheek resting softly on your knuckles while wearing a tux in front of a white baby grand piano. How could this album not be amazing?
15. Jennifer Lopez's idea of bravery is fiercely staring at her own reflection and coming to terms with the fact that she appears to be made partially out of glitter.
14. Only a total pervert — or a slew of 12-year-old girls — would buy this Jennifer Love Hewitt album, and therein lies the problem. As if a "Party of Five" actress pretending to be a musician wasn't ridiculous enough, some dirtball music exec thought it would be a good idea to call the album "Let's Go Bang." Nice job, showbiz.
13. We don't know where the Bacon Brothers are going, but this album cover makes us want to come along with them. After all, this is only a few degrees away from The Beatles.
12. Bruce Willis' TV co-star Cybill Shepherd also moonlighted as a singer. The only question here is whether she has denim sheets or she sleeps curled up in the crotch of a giant cowboy.
11. Actors with vanity side project rock bands hate it when all you can talk about it is their celebrity. Don't you understand that the music is what's really important, and that it's not about them? Really, why does no one take 30 Odd Foot of Grunts any more seriously than "Russell Crowe's band with the weird name"?
10. Dogstar's label execs did everything they could to get Keanu Reeves to be front-and-center on this album cover, but the actor insisted, "No, I'll stand on the left and not make a big deal out of this," because he's really just the shy, humble, serious musician from "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure."
9. Dare we ask how many girls in the 1970s daydreamed of couples skating with John Travolta while gazing at the "Travolta Fever" cover art? We have no doubt the numbers are staggering, even by today's teen-idol standards. He was sort of the original Adam Lambert.
8. Corey Feldman's 2002 album, "Former Child Actor," arrived approximately 15 years too late. But as Feldman (and his counterpart Haim) know, better great than never.
7. When you look at this album cover, does every fiber of your being just scream out, "I want to hear the sound that Tony Danza is making in this house that he lives in!"? Us, too. The genius is in the simplicity.
6. Renaissance man Chris Burke and his Technicolor dream sweater, plus two suspiciously affectionate twin brothers, equals a whole lot of mid-'90s musical weirdness. Still, this album is a MUST-have collector's item for any serious Corky Thatcher enthusiast.
5. The making of Crispin Glover's 1989 album "Big Problem Does Not Equal the Solution. The Solution = Let It Be" was clearly a cathartic experience for the actor during his post-"Back to the Future," post- "Letterman"-meltdown phase. Not only did he get to pose as a pseudo-Doc Brown character for the cover art, but Crispin also included his home phone number on copies of the album and encouraged listeners to call him. So, that's what celebs did before Twitter!
4. What about Steven Seagal meaningfully demonstrating a mastery of guitar chords with his Native American bejeweled fingers doesn't make you want to throw on a pair of noise-canceling headphones and spend a few hours listening to "Songs From the Crystal Cave" cranked up to 11?
3. Back in 1982, two shockingly similar teen-idol album covers hit shelves. One was Michael Jackson's "Thriller," and the other was Scott Baio's "Thriller in a Yellow Sweatshirt." We hear there's a conspiracy theory spreading online that Baio's album came out first and Jackson has been working tirelessly ever since to kill its existence and ruin Baio's career, which is what drove him crazy. True story.
2. Sacha Baron Cohen can prance around in all the leather cheetah-print leotards he wants, but he'll never achieve the same level of ridiculousness as the original Bruno (which is code for Bruce Willis pretending to be a musician).
1. David Hasselhoff's 1985 album concept — "Knight Rider" meets the "Night Rocker," by way of The Hoff standing on top of KITT and shredding face — was simple, yet effective (especially in Germany). This is what all ridiculous celebrity albums should aspire towards.